What’s this trigger?

I’ve heard and read of people having these “triggers”. Triggers that set them off into a fit of emotions. The concept seemed so strange to me for I have only experienced that with dog attacks I’ve seen on TV. But I find myself in a whole new world. A world full of triggers that hold me captive as I crawl on the damp ground.

Music…catapults me into an outrage that taunts me. My thoughts spin out of control and visions smack me in the face tirelessly to the point of nausea.

Music can be an extension of oneself. I am no longer the self I once was, the emotions that surface from the past moments I held from a tune torment my psyche.

Toddlers with their siblings cause a fit of rage inside me. For those memories I once shared were abandoned for me to cherish alone. The Lone Sibling; clawing deep into the depths of fear searching for the lost pieces of my soul that has shattered like a mirror on the concrete floor. But those vanished with the heartbeats of my brothers.

I become triggered by strangers laughing and joking. It’s as if my vision blurs and I can see the air  around them vibrating. I’m exasperated by the pleasure they feel. Comparable to the movies, it’s as if I’m spinning with the laugher amplified, their faces magnified. It’s a horrible sensation through and through.

 

 

1 Comment

  1. Focus bit by bit as you can on those triggers as they happen. A few seconds more whenever it happens. You had laughter with your brother: remembering that will gradually hurt less and the joy of the moment remembered will, at the very least, become a bitter sweet moment and not a soul ripping one.
    Much love,
    S. K.

    Like

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