It feels like a blade has been shoved up through my sternum.

I can feel it’s sharp edges slicing through my throat while I choke on the blood.

That’s how sudden the realization of my pain is.

The change of my day happens as quick as that life altering moment.

Then flashes of what was fleeting in my mind.

My laughter is halted as I’m incapacitated once again with fear.

Fear of feeling, fear of living on, fear of not having you here, fear of my own fear.

Floods of tears cascading down my quivering chin.

While my damn hands keep moving nervously and I’m readjusting my sitting position and shirt so I don’t blurt out how angry I am. How overwhelmed I am.

I’m angry at my eyes that cry.

My heart for breaking.

My life for being what it is.

At this world for taking your love away.

I’m afraid to speak out loud.

What will come out? Could I survive that truth?

Can I actually survive this?