What’s To Come?

It feels like a blade has been shoved up through my sternum.

I can feel it’s sharp edges slicing through my throat while I choke on the blood.

That’s how sudden the realization of my pain is.

The change of my day happens as quick as that life altering moment.

Then flashes of what was fleeting in my mind.

My laughter is halted as I’m incapacitated once again with fear.

Fear of feeling, fear of living on, fear of not having you here, fear of my own fear.

Floods of tears cascading down my quivering chin.

While my damn hands keep moving nervously and I’m readjusting my sitting position and shirt so I don’t blurt out how angry I am. How overwhelmed I am.

I’m angry at my eyes that cry.

My heart for breaking.

My life for being what it is.

At this world for taking your love away.

I’m afraid to speak out loud.

What will come out? Could I survive that truth?

Can I actually survive this?


Because I Can’t Be With You

I’m tired. I’m sore. I’m angry. I’m beyond grievous.

My skin feels raw down to the bone.

It’s as if I’m bathing in a tub of torment. I’m washing with the ache of what I should have done, what I should have said.

It keeps filling the space enclosing my soul.

When I try to rinse off the sorrow, it feels like fragments of my missing future digging in.

My life will never be how I want it.

I feel like I’m laying on my back and all these realizations are suffocating me.

The tears are so frequent that they feel like razorblades rolling out of the corner of my eyes.

I’m fighting the urge to scream out in horror, in anxious pain.

I rock back and forth, trying to figure out these thoughts that are beating my brain.

How can they be true?

My belly is gorged with rage.

This…this…this has happened. This is happening right now.

These feelings don’t leave, they argue with each other.

Rational thoughts fly out the window when I wake from a dream of being with you.

Because I can’t be with you.

Because I can’t be with you.




The Antidote

There’s a rod through my torso

The pain pulsates reality.

Loving ain’t easy when it comes to yourself.

What were you thinking?

The truth is in your veins

That venom staring you down like a shot gun

Our love inundated your ecstasy.

That grip must have been a constraint so burdensome

Painstakingly heavy to be imprisoned by.

Life’s inadequate without your smile.

Your love is the antidote.